In Loving Memory
Andrew & Benjamin Burt
Stillborn October 12, 2011
We chose to honor our sweet boys privately. It just felt like we had no way to put into words all that they both were. But now, in the quiet moments when the thought of them swallows me whole, I feel that I can’t rest without marking all that they were. Because they were everything.
Andrew and Benjamin.
Andrew because, like his daddy, he was a leader. As Baby A, he was set to come first into the world. And in the end, he was the first of our boys to return to his Heavenly Father.
He looked a lot like his namesake. So did his little brother, but for some reason, Andrew just looked a little bit more like his daddy to me, and as I held him and tried to say goodbye, I imagined him strong and honest and kind and fearless. Just like his dad.
And much like his older brother Porter and sister Nora, Baby B came to be Benjamin after music. A song that I had often hummed over the past months while mulling over our little boys’ names, shaping dreams of a little Benny with a crooked smile, a quiet nature and a huge heart.
This same song played on the way to the hospital on that quiet Wednesday morning and echoed in my heart the entire day as we prepared to say goodbye to our little boys.
Benjamin, after an idea that so wholly embodied the spirit of he and his brother’s purpose — for which, we are so grateful.
Though we never met them, their being made us better people. As we prepared to care for and raise the two of them, trying to comprehend all that would come with two infants and trying to shift our family and our home into the refuge all six of us would so need, we slowly became the parents we hoped for them. And our family became stronger and our home became that refuge.
There really is no way to put in words all that they were to us. Though heartbreaking, trying to understand Andrew and Benjamin’s role in our lives has truly helped us refocus our attention on our family in very important ways. Being their parents is a great blessing, and we will carry them with us always.
Thank you to all our friends and family and to our very caring and generous ward who have all supported us and prayed for us over the past week. We have been awed by the support system that surrounds us and are so grateful for each of you.
Love,
Andy & Jen
9 comments:
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt tribute to your beautiful boys. I'm so moved by the lovely way that you've expressed your feelings about Andrew and Benjamin. I'm grateful to have a glimpse of the dreams you had for them, and to hear more about their place in your family. As always, I'm praying for peace and comfort for you and Andy.
You are a beautiful writer - thank you for sharing! I am grateful to have read your words about Benjamin and Andrew. I have been thinking and praying for you all week and I was hoping to hear their beautiful names. They will always be part of your family. I hope you feel all of our prayers. All my love.
That was so beautiful Jenny(:
No one could put, more meaning full writing down on a page better then you. I have loved the past year with us being a family. Although we don't see each other very often, I hope you know that I love you, Nora, Porter, Andy, and the twins as if we've been a family all along. Your family is so beautiful and I can't wait to spend more time with you guys(:
-Andrea
P.S. Always here if you ever need anything.
No words can heal your wounds, but I wanted to know people you've never met are thinking about you and your family, and sending our love your way. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.
From one mama to another,
Kim
Jen,
I am so sorry for you loss and have been calling the temples and keeping your name (and Andy, Jill & Steve) on prayer rolls. Know that people are praying for you daily all over Utah and I hope you can feel that power and peace.
I found a quote that I wanted to pass on to you. In his last general conference address, on October 4, 2008, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin spoke of adversity and said, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude...The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful."
I wish you peace, sweet Jen. May the Lord carry you a bit right now. Sincerely with love,
Lara Bone
Jen, your strength amazes me. What a sweet post. I love how you already knew both boys so well, and knew their special little qualities and personalities. The way you write is absoutley perfect. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jen-
I am so sorry for your loss. You and Andy and the whole family are in my heart and prayers.
Jen
I clicked onto your blog as I was reading your comment on a moms twin club. I am 6 1/2 months pregnant with twin boys. Your words for your boys were beautifully expressed and they touched my heart. I lost my oldest son in July a year and a half ago. Life is never as we expect it, but I have a feeling you are going to make the most of yours. Our prayers are with you.
Your boys are beautiful. Such a heartbreaking, yet stunning photo.
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