New

2012 was a year of settling. Settling down, settling in, and setting our sights on the life we've got, which is pretty darn great.

Looking back over the past two years: being surprised by a new job for Andy on the tails of finding out we were having twins, starting the school years with our oldest, shifting everything in our lives to accomodate two newborns and then suddenly losing them and scrambling to undo all that had been done, a miscarriage, and the brain-wrecking roller coaster that comes with the battle to get pregnant...always hoping, always planning only to undo those plans. We've been on defense for so long, that I forgot what it felt like to be in control of my life. And though I am generally not a big New Year's girl myself (I'm too busy and lazy to be thoughtful about resolutions and too scattered to be deliberate about following through on them), 2013 felt like a great time to really move forward now that the dust has settled and we are "back to normal."

And so far, I have to say, I think I've been missing out on the magic that is a fresh start—of recognizing the things that need to be changed and doing something about it. I know, I know, I could do that any ol' time I want (which is why I've always thought New Year's a little silly and arbitrary), but in this instance, I think I was just so far removed from what my life had been—before—that I needed a reason to look back and remember that life before, to survey life now, and to move forward into the life I want.

So there are resolutions that, at least in these early days, feel life changing, bringing more order and peace and control to a life that felt anything but.

All this rambling, to wish you a belated but sincere happy new year (timeliness was not one of my resolutions) and to hopefully, in some small measure, excuse myself for the sporadic inconsistencies that have regretfully come to light over the past year and a half. I've always admired those who are graceful under pressure and steadfast in the storm; sadly, I am not one of those people. They are the ice-crusted buffalo, head down, immoveable; I am a chicken with my head cut off, scrambling until I flop.

Hoping to change that, at least a little.

Wise words from C.S. Lewis:
"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."